Have you ever noticed our human tendency to ask trick questions? Sometimes it’s funny, and other times it’s just plain cruel. For example: “Do you cheat on your taxes every year or just sometimes? That assumes of course that you cheat on your taxes. There’s no way to answer the question without falling for the trap. We ask a three-year-old, “Would you rather take your nap now or after hearing a story?” That doesn’t really give the child a choice about whether to take a nap, the parent already decided the nap is a sure thing.
The Scribes and the Pharisees spent a good bit of mental landscape trying to trip Jesus up. One time, some Pharisees and Herodians tried to trap him, first with false flattery, then cutting to the chase. “Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar or not? … But knowing their hypocrisy, Jesus said to them, “Why are you putting me to the test? Bring me a denarius and let me see it.” And they brought one. Then he said to them, “Whose head is this and whose title?” They answered, “Caesar’s.” Jesus said to them, “Give to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and to God the things that are God’s.” And they were utterly amazed at him.
Jesus was asked more than three hundred questions, and he only answered eight, much to the dismay of his inquisitors. Instead, he tried to help them ask better questions. In psychological terms, we call this cognitive behavioral therapy. We know that we humans can change how we experience an event, the meaning we assign to it, and how we feel about it when we change the message in our head. Instead of asking, “How do we solve this problem?”, we can ask, “How will we know when our problem is resolved?” Instead of asking, “Who can we blame?”, we can ask, “What’s a solution we can achieve together?” The messages in our heads shape how we feel about a situation and how we respond.
Consider something that you find most vexing in your life now. Whatever it may be, choose something to which you have a strong, negative emotional response. Take a moment to write down three things you say to yourself about this person, place or event. If you want to change how you feel, or how you respond, write down three messages you could say differently to yourself about this situation.
Try this experiment. For the next week, anytime you experience a negative response rising within you regarding a difficult person, place or event, practice saying three new things in your head. Notice what happens in your body when you make this shift. Do your shoulders relax? Do your fists unfurl? Does your face come to rest? Did you take a breath?
At the end of the week, message me on what changed for you. There really is a way forward through the mire and the muck. Jesus shows us how it’s done and holds us accountable to do it.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:8
God’s grace, mercy and peace be with you,
Rev. Dr. Anna V. Copeland
Senior Minister, The Community Church of Vero Beach, Florida
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